Phil's a Phraud-Updated

Update: As expected, Phil was a big disappointment again this year. Phil is clearly not golfer. Instead he is a selfish rodent who enjoys his hibernation. However, if someone woke me out of a sweet slumber, I probably wouldn't react very well either. Next year, I suggest we move Groundhog's Day to July when Phil has a clearer head. Status quo simply won't do.

I usually have a love for all things cute and cuddly, but not when it comes to Punxsutawney Phil. This is one critter I can do without. Phil is a fraud with a terrible track record. Do I really need a groundhog to tell me how much this winter sucks?

Phil has been a thorn in my side for years and yet he is only correct 39% of the time. I bet my woolly worm could top that. To make matters worse that little bugger sees his shadow 87% of the time. Seems to me if he wants to up his accuracy rating he better start shutting his eyes.

Phil has been riding on Bill Murray's coat tails for way too long. Clearly he has an ego the size of Pennsylvania and he just keeps doing the same thing year after year. Of the 110 recorded years of prognostications , Phil has seen his shadow every time except for 14 years. I'm sick of it. Listen up Phil. This is the way things are going to work this year.

No more bright television lights. I want everyone of those damn things turned off. Of course you keep seeing your shadow, a pilot could land a 747 at Gobbler's Knob with the beacon of lights that illuminate the place. It seems the only time you don't see you shadow is when the clouds are as thick as pea soup or it's precipitating. DITCH the lights!

I shouldn't really care about Phil, but clearly I'm suffering some serious winter blues. As far as Ohio goes, we've paid our dues and I better see some purple crocus pop their heads before the end of February. I need to hit the golf course Phil. Got it! So no shadow this year. I need mean it!